Friday, June 22, 2012

Johnny Depp at an Indian Conference

I'm sure the reason I had this dream about Johnny Depp was because I had been writing an article and a blog on Johnny Depp's astrological profile. If you would like to read that profile, you can find a link to the blog in the article entitled, Johnny Depp, an Astrological Look.

Then, when Johnny Depp's 14 year relationship with Vanessa Paradis ended, he took center stage in the news. Thus this dream:

I was with my youngest daughter, Brittney. We were at a hotel (I think) and discovered the place was hosting an Indian Convention (Native American if I'm going to be politically correct). We didn't have a ticket though, so Brittney decided to see if we could get in. We are Cherokee after all. 

On her way out, she must have forgotten something, because she turned around to go back in and bumped into Johnny Depp, who was just walking out of the convention. Flustered and flirtatiously she giggled, and returned to me.
We couldn't get in. Then, all of a sudden, she is standing on the other side of a window and I can see her dancing with Johnny Depp, and I'm thinking, hmm, here I am single, and there she is married, and she's dancing with Johnny Depp. 
Their dance reminded me of the movie Benny & Joon. If you remember the scene where Johnny Depp's character is dancing with his fingers, you'll know what I mean. So they were dancing, and every time she would spin around, they would touch fingers. One time she missed his finger and a guy who knew she was married interrupted their dance and it was over.
To set the record straight, in real life, my daughter would not cheat on her husband, even with Johnny Depp. But here's my question – wouldn't you think that I – who was hosting my own dream – would make myself the recipient of a dance with Johnny Depp? He's much closer in age to me than he is to my daughter ;)

Saturday, June 9, 2012

She Looked Like Me

In my dream early this morning, I saw a woman who looked exactly like me. She worked in an office that had a beautiful view of a forest with walking trails that looked much like Perry Farm in Bradley, Illinois. She was vibrant and happy, confident and busy. I couldn't believe how close our resemblance was, so much so, in fact, that I believed if I took a picture of her and sent it to my kids, they wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

I asked her if she would mind if I took her picture. She didn't mind, but my camera phone was set to movie and I was having all kinds of trouble getting it to perform properly. She was too busy to stick around and left for a walk with a friend or a coworker. I could see through the window that she was walking at a brisk pace and that I'd better hurry if I wanted to catch up with her.

When the camera was finally set up, I called out to her through her window as she was walking the trails, but by that time she was so far away she didn't hear me. I decided to wait until her return.

Now I'm in what appears to be my home, but it looks nothing like my home. It has a giant picture window that faces a beautifully landscaped front yard filled with tree-lined paths. I don't want to stop looking at it, because it's so beautiful. Some of my grandchildren are around and they are playing. One of them, Nolan maybe, tries to close the drapes, or close the windows, but I want the view to remain as it is.

Now I am sitting in what appears to be some kind of theater next to my dear friend, Nancy, who is sitting to my left. I am trying to show her the picture of the woman who looks exactly like me (somehow I must have gotten it), but my camera falls out of my hand and slides – on its side – all the way down the aisle toward the wall to my left. I climb over Nancy, chase the phone that curves toward the stage, fall to my knees, and crawl on the floor as I chase it all the way up to the stage on the far left hand side. When I return to my seat, Nancy and the guy in front of us are discussing the amazing games that are now available on phones.

Perhaps I had this dream because I've been sick lately. The woman I know I can be is vibrant and healthy, healthy enough to walk the trails at Perry Farm. I want to believe that this dream was showing me not only that my health will be good enough to walk for long periods of time, but also that I will return to that vibrant person I know I can be.

When I can't see my friends as much as I would like to see them, they appear in my dreams. I haven't seen Nancy in a long time. I miss her, and being with her in a dream will have to suffice until I see her again.

Homes generally represent the self. Mine was surrounded by beauty and healthy trees. Right now I'm going through numerous health issues, so I'm going to take this dream to mean that just outside my window (very close), even if I have to go through cancer again, I WILL become healthy.

To learn about those health issues, please read previous post.

The Clone Blog II

Health issues necessitate me writing another one of my clone blogs. Those issues are numerous. Final diagnoses: Pneumonitis; multiple right lung nodules, likely benign, but with no comparison cannot exclude neoplasm; left kidney upper pole low-attenuation exophytic lesion, likely a hyperdense cyst. Must follow up with CT scan in 3 months to compare.

So here I am, at home. Completely exhausted. Everything I do tires me. But I still suffer from insomnia (some things never change), so the night before last while I was awake for several hours, I had a bowl of cereal and watched a movie. The following morning I awoke at 8 a.m. (very late for me), made myself a breakfast smoothie, then became so overwhelmingly tired, I had to rest on the couch where I fell into a coma for several minutes.

I have to admit, I'm a little overwhelmed by what has been happening lately. I think I handled the breast cancer problem quite well. I've always said that nothing scares me more than not breathing. But while still dealing with the lung problem and continuing to take all my asthma and cancer meds, I've had to assimilate what occurred at my oncologist's office the day before yesterday.

During a routine mammogram, something "suspicious" showed up on the breast where I didn't have breast cancer. Whoa! Really? I decided right there that if I have breast cancer again, I'm NOT going through chemo and radiation again. The surgeon who cut out my tumor left a gigantic scar that deformed my right breast. If I have to go through that again, I'm having a double mastectomy.

And the CAT scan I had on my lungs while I was hospitalized showed some sort of growth on my kidneys. My kidneys? Are you serious? And then I remembered this lump that had been on my lower back for the past couple of years. I had asked a doctor what she thought about it, and she thought nothing of it, so I let it go. But now I know that the lump is probably the growth that showed up on the CAT scan. 

So all of these new conditions were found quite by accident but they require me to get another mammogram next week and a CAT scan on my kidneys next week too. 

In addition to those visits, I'm supposed to return to my new GP (who started this whole thing rolling by admitting me – thank you, Dr. Gowda – I'm not being sarcastic – if not for his quick appraisal of my breathing problems, I don't know how quickly my condition would have deteriorated). As a result of all of those tests and doctor visits, I think I'll hold off on seeing the pulmonary doctor again until after I return from Virginia the beginning of July.

If you know me, you will know this is killing me. I can't write for long periods of time, I can't crochet for long periods of time, and I can't do anything that requires physical effort without becoming completely exhausted. I suffer from dizziness and lightheadedness, which, I've discovered may be a result of my persistent low potassium count. The infection still rages in my lungs and if I could just get rid of that one thing, I know I would feel so much better.

So yes, to save myself from even more exhaustion, I have cloned this blog, which appears in all of the following blogs: