Friday, February 24, 2012

Serial Killer in My Home

In this dream I am living with my parents but the home doesn't look like the home where I grew up. My mother and I are aware that my father has invited a serial killer to live with us. Though having a serial killer living among us obviously bothers us all immensely, for the most part, we choose to ignore him.

Until the day the serial killer brings home another woman and, after we figure out his modus operandi, decide we will no longer partake of his barbecues anymore when he invites us for dinner. I know, even as I write that, how ridiculous it sounds, but it truly was in my dream. 

I insist that my father get rid of the guy, using this logic: "What if he decides to kill me or my sisters or my children?"

My father shrugs. Memories of my past flood my brain. I become frustrated and furious, crying and screaming at him. I hate when anybody shrugs me off. My mother and either one of my sisters or one of my daughters (can't remember which), notes my emotional outburst, feels sorry for me, but neither speaks up for me nor addresses the situation. I am further agitated by their silence.

It never occurs to me to report the serial killer to the police myself, nor does it occur to me to confront the man. He's like a cancer that lives among us who everyone chooses to ignore. I am so angry in this dream, I could just punch somebody.

When I reflect on this dream it occurs to me that I often get frustrated when nobody listens to me or when people ignore me. Apparently even something as outrageous as trying to get everybody to realize the importance of a serial killer living in our home isn't enough to grab anyone's attention. The only thing that really grabbed the immediate attention of everybody I know is when I told everybody I had cancer. All eyes settled upon me. I'd never before experienced such rapt attention.

Being ignored reminds me of the time I tried to tell my father about a man who confronted me in the parking lot of Sears when I was working there at the age of 17. I was terrified about going back to the parking lot after work. My father, probably in trying to get me to hang up, insisted that everything was OK. I could not get across to him how terrified I was about having to return to that parking lot. (I recorded that episode in the article, Ted Bundy and Me.)

One reason I think I had this dream is that the yesterday, a friend of mine asked me for the photo that accompanies this article. The only copy I could find was the one I attached to that article. It apparently aroused some significant memories.

Also, knowing how dreams relate to present circumstances, I wonder if my anxiety over not being heard or being ignored has anything to do with the fact that I entered three screenplays (one of which is actually a teleplay) in a competition, and realized, after I sent them in, that I had made some minor errors. I'm hoping the judges don't disregard my entries because of those errors and that those contest judges actually read my screenplays and find them worth turning into television programs or movies. 

Being ignored has always been more than just mildly irritating to me – it has been exasperating. I've often lamented, "Oh, if only somebody would pay attention to what I'm saying (or writing)," especially when I recall with dubious concern the day I revealed my cancer to my family. Rarely do I get that undivided attention. When I speak of my blogs or screenplays I can almost see their eyes glaze over. Does it really take something as dramatic as cancer or a serial killer to get people to listen to me?

It doesn't surprise me that I would choose something as shocking as a serial killer living in my home to prove that even with something so potentially fatal, and although I tend to exaggerate even in my dreams, getting anybody to listen to me is always such a challenge. So I'm putting out to the Universe: My screenplays are winners! Everybody will want to watch the results of those screenplays or teleplays on TV or at the movies or on Netflix or from Redbox, or online ... ;)

Afterword: Just before I posted this, I found the following daily horoscope (surprisingly, or maybe not so surprisingly, appropriate):

Friday, Feb 24th, 2012 -- You were recently swimming in the waters of your own emotions, but now it seems as if you're being pulled onto dry land. Instead of just experiencing your feelings, it's time to act on them. Unfortunately, your actions could be constrained by memories of a past rejection that arises when you swing into motion. Take time to honor your past before pushing through the resistance. No matter what happens, you will feel positive about taking a chance and revealing what you want. 
And there you have it – I have just revealed the entry of three scripts into a scriptwriting contest (one of which was co-written with a writer friend of mine – to be revealed at a later date).

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Thank you for visiting (and paying attention).


  1. Wow. Just WOW. And I will never ignore you ever.

  2. I read your story about Bundy. Creeeeeeeeepy stuff! I am so glad you remained assertive and didn't move your car near to the grove of trees! As for the blog post... I think DAD personas feel they need to make everything okay all the time. That's what dads do - but in so doing, the language they use and the way they approach conversation with daughters often minimizes what daughters really want to talk about, convey, etc. It's nice to be HEARD and for opinions to be validated rather than have people minimize words and thoughts by saying "It's okay" or "It'll be okay." Sometimes it's not okay - it just IS - and what IS in the air/room needs to be validated. I enjoyed this blog post, found I could relate to the concept of being unheard and frustrated over that - and I enjoyed your article after following your link. Thanks for sharing!